Just like you, I have been stuck. Unhappy. Lost. Frustrated and yearning for something more.
Feeling as though life was passing by and not being aligned with who I wanted to be.
On paper, I looked like I was doing great in life. Finished my degree, got a government job, was saving for a house and was in a loving relationship.
But I was just so numb.
Feeling suffocated thinking this was it for the next 30 years of my life. Yearning for something more.
I was living life in a haze. Numbing the precious hours after work with social media, Netflix and other vices. Letting society dictate my energy versus owning my light and truth.
Many people believe that there has to be a ‘sign’ or some sort of catastrophic event to ignite change.
But it is as simple (and as difficult) as just making the decision.
For me, there was no major “aha’ moment as to when I chose to change my life. It was more a cumulative series of events in my life – battling an eating disorder for years, binge drinking, losing multiple loved ones within a 6 month span, not dealing with the grief, being in toxic relationships, gaining 50 lbs, numbing all emotions, turning into a passive aggressive person who started resenting people – the whole shabang.
It was years of building up until one day
I did not like how I was showing up each day; seeing the dark instead of the light in everyone and myself.
Then I remembered back to when I was in the throes of my eating disorder and binge drinking, when my beautiful friend gave me an empathetic ass kicking. She called me out on my shit and forever changed my life.
From there I made the conscious decision to quit college and enter treatment.
While I learned so much about my relationship with food and emotions, what really became clear in treatment was that if you were ready and made the conscious choice to engage in change, you made tremendous growth. If you weren’t ready….. you stayed stuck.
As a perpetual ‘fixer’, people pleaser and wanting to take away people’s struggle, I realized the disservice I was doing for people. I learned that I could help plant seeds of growth, I could be supportive and empathetic, but I could not ‘fix’ them or take away their pain.
Only they could do that.
Just like only I could change my life.
A year into my recovery, I moved to Guatemala to volunteer at a school dedicated to educating the severely impoverished children who survived off the Guatemala city dump. While there, I got devastating news that my amazing friend, the one who changed my life by calling me out on my shit, was in a fatal car accident.
Instead of working on processing the immense grief of having such a young, beautiful soul be taken, I slipped into old habits, numbed and ran 3000 miles across the country.
For many years, I continued to numb my emotions and live in a perpetual cycle of feeling stuck.
Living life in a pity party while going on and off antidepressants.
Until one day when I was at a particularly low point and just tired of living life in this mundane cycle; I re-channeled that empathetic ass kicking from my friend and DECIDED to make the CONSCIOUS CHOICE to move forward.
Once I made the conscious decision that it was time to start showing up the way I wanted to show up each day, my life began to change. I took responsibility for what I could control. I learned about the science of energy. I reconnected with my emotions. I started to accept myself. I learned how to communicate more effectively and I started achieving my goals.
In 2018, I became a Mother.
And I could no longer NOT live in my truth. For it was not just about me anymore - but about how I showed up for my daughter as well.
I now live on one of the top 10 most beautiful islands in the world (the one I always wanted to live on when I was a kid!), have a relationship that makes my soul happy, am aligned with how I want to show up in my life and now I get to support women just like you to reconnect with their inner light so they can recognize the power they have within.
And it all started with a choice.
A choice to put the effort into myself and how I view my world.
The choice to invest in myself.
Are you ready to get aligned with your definition of happiness?
We have all we need within us to make the subtle changes which will have immense impact.
It is time to let that vivacious spirit free, let go of the shit holding you back and embrace your power within.