Do you struggle with making decisions?
If you are like most of the population you probably do at some point or another.
I used to have the HARDEST time making a decision in my life. When it came to making a choice on simple things from what I wanted to eat for dinner, watch on Netflix, to bigger life decisions like leaving a toxic relationship, a job I hated or investing in a course.
Depending on the decision I was making, I would sit and stew on my decision. For hours, days, weeks, years….
Often feeling the most confused, uncertain and stressed out during those times of limbo.
Sitting in uncertainty, as we all are experiencing right now, is emotionally and mentally exhausting.
When we continue to stay in uncertainty surrounding a decision we know we must make, affects all of our being. Our physical health, mental health, emotional health and sometimes our sanity.
If you ever had to make a big decision - you know that feeling I am talking about.
The back and forths, the pros and cons, the “what ifs”. Fear clouding your thoughts as soon as you begin to think of changing something.
Pondering that old saying “better the devil you know, than the devil you don’t”.
Truly wondering if staying in your current situation is just easier than risking a different situation which may push you out of your comfort zone yet be the best decision of your life.
There is no shame if you have felt this.
I have felt this on soo many occasions, just as so many others have.
Humans are creatures of habit. We like to know what is coming. We like our routines and we like to feel safe. Even if we know in our hearts we need to make a change, often our desire to be comfortable overrides this and we just stay stuck.
One of the best pieces of advice I was given by my Mom was that the decision you make is neither right or wrong. It was the decision that was best in that moment.
If you are ready to start taking control of your life, owning that beautiful power within, then this is the article for you. Because becoming comfortable in making decisions for YOU is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself.
Often being indecisive is due to a variety of reasons:
If you are feeling stuck in life or at a crossroads and your heart has been telling you for some time you need to get off the fence and make a decision about something in your life, then take the leap, empower yourself and make the decision.
Making life decisions is scary. There is no getting around it. Once you accept this and understand that all humans feel this - it helps you know you are not alone and if others have done it, so can you!
Sitting in limbo in that feeling of “should I or should I not” is not healthy.
By making a decision you are empowering yourself. Owning your power within and beginning to create the life you desire. Taking you one more step closer to your dream life.
You know you best and what you need in life. Do not let other people run your life. On your deathbed, do you want to look back and regret not making a decision- staying stuck, unhappy and unfulfilled?
You do not want to be a prisoner of indecisiveness. Living in the uncertainty and stress of not making a decision is NOT living. Make a decision. Own your decision and I promise you will come out stronger, happier and in a place of peace than living in the tumultuous waters of indecisiveness.
If you are needing to make a big life decision and get out of the murky waters of indecisiveness check out these tips below to help you.
1. Start practicing making smaller decisions
Do you scroll through netflix for like 20 minutes before picking a movie? Or talk to your spouse for 30 minutes when trying to decide what to eat for dinner? Make a mental note that you will give yourself a certain amount of time 5-10 minutes for these smaller decisions and practice making them. Listening to what your gut/intuition says and just making the decision. Not overthinking, analyzing or stressing over it. This helps to build your confidence and start trusting your intuition to make bigger decisions.
2. Don’t overthink EVERY scenario
It is impossible to predict outcomes and often our minds are able to make up far more scary realities than what will happen. So often we immediately go to worst case scenarios and “what if’s” in our head. Instead of fretting over the “what if’s” change your language to “I can handle if….” This was a powerful method I used to shift my thoughts around the “what if’s” which I still use today. Remember you are so much stronger than you know.
3. Make a 'pro and con' list
Tried and true, this is a classic way of preparing yourself mentally to understand the benefits of doing something or not doing something. Especially for big life decisions like leaving a relationship, quitting a job, or going back to school. With every decision there are consequences and opportunities. By mentally preparing yourself for some of the struggles or challenges that may present themselves, allows you to have a sense of control over what is coming.
4. Name your fears
Often we get so paralyzed in making a decision because of our fears and “what if’s”. By asking yourself “what is the worst that can happen?” then asking yourself "if that happens then what?" And then asking yourself, "if that happens then what?" you are whittling your fears down and taking away their power over your. As mentioned above so often we let our mind wander down the rabbit hole of fear, that we make it seem way worse than it will be. Start ‘calling out your fears’ and taking their power away.
5. Forget the ‘shoulds’
Are you letting other people’s thoughts, judgments or opinions cloud your decision? Quit thinking about what everyone else will think. What do you want? This is your life. Not theirs. Quit living life on someone else's terms and start living life on your own. The people who love you and support you are the ones you need in your life. The ones who don’t - well you may need to do a little life inventory and see if they are bringing positive or negative energy into your life. Because at the end of the day when you are on your deathbed, you are not justifying your life to them, but to yourself.
6. Ask yourself what will happen if you do NOT make a decision
If you do not make a decision what will your life look like? Are you okay with that? Really dig deep and allow yourself to explore what your life would look like if you do not make this decision. Suzy Welch a business writer for O Magazine, talks about the 10/10/10 question when making a decision. Ask yourself: How will you feel about it 10 minutes from now? How about 10 months from now? How about 10 years from now? Do this for if you do or do not make the decision…. It helps to re-frame your thinking.
7. Think of a time when you made a difficult decision in the past and it turned out to be a great decision
There are so many times in life where we made a decision that we were nervous about and it turned out great. I left a high paying government job, moved to the island of my dreams and my family thought I was crazy. It was one of the scariest decisions I ever made and I remember sitting in indecisiveness for months over it. After I moved, I vividly remember bawling as I unpacked my new apartment wondering what the F I just did. But looking back, even though there was uncertainty and fear, it was the BEST decision I have ever made for myself and my family. Yes there were some struggles, some times of uncertainty and fear, but that is the beauty in growth, in living your life aligned with what you want and living your truth.
8. Ask yourself the miracle question
I know it sounds corny, but this is a therapeutic tool we use in social work all the time. If you waved a magic wand and tomorrow you woke up and were living your dream life - what would it look like? A loving, respectful relationship? A career that makes your heart soar? A life of travel and adventure? Then - looking at your decision you are wanting to make at this moment, ask yourself : Is making this decision getting me closer to that life?
9. Start setting intentions for your life
If you are still feeling super stuck and not quite ready to make that decision just yet - then perhaps you need some more clarity surrounding what you really want in life. By setting intentions for your life you are clarifying how you want to show up everyday, how you want to live your life and what you want your life to look like. By understanding the values you possess and the life you truly want to live, will provide you with clarity in making decisions that are aligned with where you want to go. If you are new to setting intentions and need a place to start - check out this free 5 step process to set intentions for your life.
10. Once you make the decision, own it.
Own your truth by owning your decision. It is empowering. It is scary. And it is oh-so-worth-it. Whether you decide to stay, to leave, to quit the job, take the job, to move, to go back to school…. Whatever you decide own it. You made the best possible decision with the information you had and you have empowered yourself to live life on your terms.
Making big life decisions is scary. Especially around relationships, careers and locations. They are the big three that so many of us come across at one point or another in your life. The key is to look at your options and not make a decision on impulse, but rather a decision aligned with your truth. Believe that no matter what the decision you make it is the right one for you at this time in your life journey. Trust your intuition.
There are no guarantees in life.
Respect yourself enough to make decisions for your life.
Is there a major life decision you need clarity on making? Do certain fears keep coming up for you? Comment below or send me a DM to let me know.
Sending positive light, love and strength your way.
Remember you are so much more powerful than you know.
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